The behavior which derails my clients most often from living into a healthier lifestyle is the bully in their head which says things like: “You have no self-discipline when it comes to eating and exercise.” “Look at Suzy; she has the self-discipline to run every day” “Look at you, eating that entire bag of cookies!” “You are so lazy. Why don’t you get yourself under control and exercise?” “You have never stayed with a program before. What makes you think you will this time?” Most of us have a bully in our head which comments in a negative way on our failings. Even though we know better, we are certainly programmed to hear and believe the bully. We seem to believe that treating ourselves badly will have some positive effect on our behavior.

Unfortunately, that is not the case; and the bully often makes us more unlikely to really make a positive change. We might be able to manage a temporary change; but the bully is always there to goad us into failure. Byron Katie, in her book entitled Loving What Is, suggests a method for confronting the Bully. Next time the Bully speaks, take a step back emotionally and ask a simple question: “Is it really true that I never exhibit self-dicipline?” Ask the question of yourself in a non-judgmental, friendly way. The answer is, of course you have. We all exercise self-discipline. We are either more disciplined to make healthier choices in our lives; or we are more disciplined not to. The trick is using the information that we get when we test the Bully, and turning those skills of self-discipline toward developing healthier habits. The results can be amazing.

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